Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Postcards From Canada (with my loving father)


Snippets from a road trip through B.C. Canada with The Sociopath and L/U (Lazy-slash-Useless) - Endearing familial pet names we had designated to each other after only a few days of being in each other's company.



Canada Day 143 Years young - 2010.

1.10pm, 19º, 20 kms away from Spencer's Bridge (where the Cherry stop is).

TS is BURSTING for a piss… "of course it's illegal to piss outside here" - Canada. 
L/U smirks in schadenfreude at his discomfort - it's the small pleasures in life. 
We're being followed by a band of Bikies, they pass us as we pull off to piss - due to older age, TS can't hold it in any longer.

L/U thinks "I'll wait for the cherry stop, for a toilet with paper". Wishes in times like this she had a penis to piss standing up. Looks at the amount of distance on the map to go - *groans*

TS feels better - bladder emptied. Informs L/U any toilet at Spencer Bridge will smell. L/U decides she prefers the shitty smell over having to squat au naturale in front of a parent. 

1.36pm, 21º (apparently at this time of year it should be in the 30's), we cross Spencer's Bridge  –  and are now on the Cariboo Gold Rush Trail – back to where we were supposed to be hours ago (a horrific car accident killing many people, including a family, on the public holiday meant a 4 hour detour). L/U is wondering if TS is thinking "Those pesky fucking dead people". With his capability to feel empathy, decides he probably is. 

We're going to TS's "FAVOURITE FRUIT SHOP IN THE WORLD" - Hilltop Gardens at Spencer's Bridge. "Cherries are going to be expensive this year" TS educates L/U in his slightly condescending yet still perverse patriarchal manner. L/U decides the characterisation of "obtuse" from one of his friends was quite an apt description. 

L/U dryly assumes: it must be because of the unseasonably cold weather.



They are expensive.

OUTHOUSE TOILET EXPERIENCE








I would like to report on my outhouse experience - everything went better than expected. Smell: Minimal. Toilet Paper: Check. Looked Clean: No piss on the seat. 
Downside: No tap either. I wondered about the fecal matter flying around, and used my water bottle to wash my hands with after. Hah! like that will help. 

L/U arrives back from the outhouse experience to TS's running commentary:

"Pack of Thieving Cunts! I can buy cherries cheaper in a Supermarket"

L/U ponders - so much for his favourite fruit shop in the entire world theory (he had been talking about this place for nearly the whole of the 5 hour road trip thus far) - now they just another pack of 'Thieving Cunts' - typical. 

TBC.

2 comments:

  1. Your socks match your underpants!!
    You win at life!

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  2. I know. I loved my toilet pictures where my socks matched my undies so much. We'de had a really bad family fight the night before, and the only way I could sit in the car with him for a 10 hour drive was to write down every pathological thing he said. The highlight of that trip of course was taking pictures of my socks matching my underwear.

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