I worked for 5 months straight from the beginning of the year with very few days off, fitting in smaller projects between the larger ones. In total it felt like I had about 6 days off from January to May, in reality, I know it was probably a few more - I just slept through them.
After the last project, I physically, emotionally and spiritually burnt out. With the list of names of fucktardians in my black book growing and my tolerance for those types serisouly waning. To be honest, my tolerance for fucktardians is pretty low as it is. Imagine me four months in, no sleep. Me no happy.
So the last month and a bit I have taken some time off. First I slept, for a few weeks. People started to remark about how much better I looked… well rested and such. It's amazing how anything over 2-4 hours a night of sleep can add to your demenour.
I also started socializing. You know, a bit of the right kind of socialization truly helps one feel human. I have made a concerted effort in the past year and a half to find like minded people that I can communicate with. It's been hard, but there are a few out there in this strange land.
*I also looked for, found and moved into a new house, so it hasn't all been rainbows and unicorn farts.
And the past few weeks has been a highlight for me. I have finally come across some art that I feel enriches my mind. I am so sick of watching shitty formulaic shows, and block busting movies with no plots.
I have seen local art in galleries, on film and on stage which has inspired me. Where my mind has been allowed the freedom of interpretation: to make connections of it's own free will. My imagination hasn't been prescribed to, which I feel is so often the case these days. I think what has allowed me to be able to appreciate it, is that I have some space made in my head from a pile of life's ongoing shit to make these associations. And I forgot how rewarding it is.
I also feel like I have regressed somewhat, that the connections I have made harken back to an earlier era. Everything I saw has some attachment to the last vestige of my teenage years. I did Macbeth three times in high school, performing it once. The version I saw in the last week was a reinterpretation that allowed me to appreciate it all over again. I saw tableaux and archetypal representations which I thought worked brilliantly well for where I'm geographically in situ. Truly an independent art project with it's peaks and valleys, but the piece was quite apropos. I came out of it wanting to have a intellectual conversation about it. Not the "Fuck my ass was hurting an hour in" or "The special effects were good but where was the plot line?" chat, which I know is the sign of a boring film. I would like to discuss it more… but I can't. Only quietly to the person sitting next to me in soft whispers, if you get my drift.
I got to an art show, which was somewhat pronographic – photographs depicting dildos imitating Darth Vador, and large nudes with symbolic meanings, some what erotic but also disturbing, slightly political in meaning I suppose. As they say the person is political. And what are we if not constantly fighting through the micro-politics of everyday life.
And tonight to top it off, I finally made it to the theatre, my one true love, and I wish I had done so much sooner. A small custom built theatrette (in the suburb I just moved away from), where they have taken the simplest materials and constructed amazing performances with extremely talented people. I felt totally at home. There was a primal, tribal quality in their performance which reminded my of what we used to do in the school yard at lunch times at my last high school. Where we were all young, less jaded (only slightly), and did weird shit creating liminal spaces. I laughed in wonder siting through this physical theatre performance. I don't do that much anymore, so it was a delightful surprise. Thats the quality thing (upside) about being a pessimist/cynic/realist-on-a-good day – delightful surprise. Sure beats constant disappointment.
The last few weeks has given me hope. Made me want to make new friends whose minds are rich with possibility. I just wish I was the type of person they would want to know as much as I want to know them (the downside of the dark force).
The photos I'm adding are actually of the art auction before the performance Oxygen. The B-Floor Theatre troupe had a fundraising event to help take them to New York. My contribution: a ticket twice the market value and a 300 THB t-shirt that says "I Support Art". I wish I was richer, I would totally give them my money.
The higher the bidding the lesser the clothes. My kind of show.
Winner winner chicken dinner :)