An Ode To Mother on Mothers Day: Or Why I Don't Camp.

Hi Mum, Happy mother's day. Remember this one – our first castle? How's the serenity?

Remember when the tornado came, and hurled the house away, and I ran off with that dingo and found some weird arse friends who were looking for courage, heart, and braaaaains? There was a whole bunch of little people jumping up and down, squeaking weirdly and telling us to follow some gilt road to a green city where we would meet some odd dude with superhuman powers, that could get us home. Then I returned home really sick with a horrible fever... oh wait, no, shit, that was the Wizard of Oz.

Or a really strong mushroom trip.

Funnily enough, I do remember watching that movie in our first castle, on our old black and white TV, tucked up in your bed (the view was better from the loft), a bit sickly and feeling sorry for myself. And you were there, (looks around) and you were there, (looks around) - and you ... nope, that was it.

On the upside, our castle was a total upgrade from the army tent we were living in. Which probably wouldn't have weathered too many more of those nasty tornados.

This mother, is unfortunately why I wont camp - EVER. That and the shovel being the toilet hole digger with tobacco leaves used as toilet paper.

But what a sweet, and innocent and weird ass time huh? Those were the days. The bits I remember started forming me as the person I am today (for better or worse). These are good memories that we can laugh about.

We did have that pet snake for a bit of course, and that crazy fucking neighbour with his shotgun, weimaraner dog, and the bitch of a wife who peed into jars. Could have done without them, she was nasty... *looks around* and he was pretty fucking crazy.

But look at me in that photo, how proud am I looking out our new castle? I love you mum, you're brazilliant. Happy mothers day, and no I wont go camping probably ever again. I like hot running water, and flushing toilets. Fridges and mod cons. Internet and media sharing. Aircons and shops close enough to walk to to buy cigarettes at. What a ponsie wuppie I have become.

You, how ever, much braver than me. Fuckin onya mumsy. *Applauds*