I think it's deplorable what money hungry accounting assholes who run hollywood have done to films. Mainstream films have become a vapid, soulless, in-transformative, un-uplifting experience, dumbed down with models who can do nothing but hit marks and deliver, sorry, repeat lines. I'm saying nothing original or new here, I know, *sighs*, thought I would complain anyways, as there is fuck all I see these days where I think the performance was something to get excited about.
I get worried when I have seen movies which have been reviewed well, but turn out to be an absolute pile of shite or worse even. Worried that we have been accepting mediocrity in films for so long, it is now the accepted norm. How do you educate the youth of today, that it wasn't always shit, when they don't even realise it is shit they are being subjected to.
Here is some vomiting of vitriol describing people in films I have seen recently.
Eliza Dushku, hot when stabbing vampires at 16, but can't play anything other than yourself, ever - The Alphabet Killer, what the fuck? You got old quick and look like you pumped out a footie team of kids, when you've had none. To say nothing of your counter part Buffy, her voice will always grind in my ears.
Other serial offenders include: Liv tyler - snooozefest, always the same, come to think of it I haven't seen anything with her in it recently, but always fucking etherial, naive and full lipped when I do. It's boring. Be a cunt for once.
Bradley Cooper, not done much, but consistently plays type A asshole. I did laugh throughout The Hangover, so props, but the last 3 things I have seen you in - *shrugs* ...Asshole.
Amy Adams, yeah you might be an 'emotional being' emoting with your eyes and all that jazz, but unfortunately I'm sitting on the fence until you do something radically different. Change the high pitch nicety of your voice for once you good girl. I'm yet to see Julia and Julia, but it looks like sitting through it will hurt my ass while I wait for the end. Sunshine Cleaning and Doubt, interesting films, not much character development from you, apart from a costume change, and I still eagerly awaited the end.
Jennifer Garner, same same, do you know how to play anything other than your cutsey, self assured, I assume what passes for your regular, everyday personality? Mathew McConaugh*hyuck hyuck*, put a fucking shirt on, and try to act for once. Both of you should be ashamed, remakes of Dickens's Christmas Carol a No No. Please spare us the eye raping.
Julia Roberts, I'm sorry but your day has come and gone, time to leave the building because you would be what is known as "long in the tooth". Suggestion after watching Duplicity: retirement and look after those babies you had with your paid for divorcee husband. You, like Tom Cruise, are watchable, but neither of you can ever really get past yourselves. True and ongoing transformative powers elude you for the star status you seem to claim. And the large corresponding pay check you insist upon - waste of money.
Jennifer Aniston, Puh-Lease, understand you can not, repeat CANNOT play Rachel in every role you agree to and call yourself an actress or, for that matter, have a burgeoning career. It's like feeding us shit on a plate and telling us it's Foie gras. Marley and Me – Rachel. The last 5 films you have been in – Rachel. I now, and for some time, try and avoid anything you have signed your name to, knowing I will be served shit on a plate. That is time I will never get back.
Keanu Reeves. Swallow the fucking pill already. Your face is looking strangely plastic Ted. You can't act can you? Not really. You look good in black leather circa 10 years ago. Go be gay somewhere else already.
Jim Carrey, you get older and do the same shit, but your co stars get younger, and it's creeping me out. Yes Man, Particularly your big fake white teeth, and the halitosis I imagine you have, while you stick your tongue down their throats, making me cringe, because there is absolutely no chemistry happening what so ever. Try drama for a change. It worked once didn't it?
It's not all bad news though, there a few films which have had either stand out performances, or combined efforts worth talking about. Here is some of the ones I can remember at this moment.
Good Dick, not a fantastic movie but a one woman show – directed, acted, written by Marianna Palka, which for me was somewhat inspiring. I had to fast forward through the filler where stagnation happens (somewhat typical of a chick flick I find), and although I didn't entirely agree with the premise of the film, the overall ensemble performances where honest, and her work ethic astonishing. Even so, the film grossed $40 000 overall, so an effort all for naught really, as her IMDB page suggests she is doing nothing new, shame.
Tom hardy for performance - Bronson. A beautifully shot, and somewhat deranged film, boring in bits. I hadn't noticed this person before, but was amazed at his acting capabilities, Fucking awesome performance, no shitting you. A true character actor. Especially when looking at photos of him in different roles. I googled fervently after watching this film.
Michele Williams, the only one to make it out of Dawsons Creek alive. Incendiary - I believed you as a british slapper, east end housewife, the acting is good, even if you are the spit image of Billy Piper, but please pick better films, ones which have a point. Was it thriller, drama, comedy, love story? whatever it was, overall, there was no meshing.
Steve Coogan, haven't seen you for a while, but there has been at least 3 films in which it has only been half way through where I have realised who it is. I commend you. I recommend you, I would watch anything you are in... well nearly anything.
Heath ledger, fuck what a shame. Someone worth watching. I liked your gay cowboy eating chocolate pudding. It took me three years to watch the film, but it was worth it in the end. I put you in here, because the mother of your child reminded me of you. I don't think I want to see Gilliam's newest mess though, where you died mid film.
Christian Bale, highly strung, but extremely versatile. Has been for a while. I don't care how eccentric or abusive you get, your character adaptations make it worth while.
Robert Downey Junior, Sam Rockwell, Clive Owen, Gerard Butler, and sometimes Collin Farrel. All somewhat transformative, and what they lack in that, they make up for in manliness. So kudos there boys.
TV shows where the writing is good. Lets face it, TV is the writers medium, so most of the best stuff is actually being produced on TV. True Blood, Anna Paquin, I would have liked to see you play many other character types before committing to southern drawl Sookie in her short shorts. I'm concerned it might pigeon hole you. You are however good, and I have seen you change.
Sadly, it seems harder to come across female talent who don't have a problem with getting ugly, playing it real, or being horrid. Meryl Streep at 60 still seems to be outshining everyone else. Typical. Stop modeling women, modeling does not pass as acting, take a class already, get an objective, have an action, an activity, and fucking feel something already. Putting on a prosthetic does not mean you deserve an Oscar either.
Fuck me.
*For films I hated, I used Wiki links, believe me, you wont care about the spoilers. For the ones I thought watchable or *ahem* liked, I put the real links in so you're safe.
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